And Jill Came Tumblring After

3colorcritters:

Meet Necro Ned.  He’s the son of two powerful geomancers who grew up in the midland hills and studied earth magic like their parents and their grandparents before them.  Ned’s been pushed to study geomancy all his life.  He hates it.  ”Listen, Nedrick,” his parents would crow, “Geomancy is a noble profession, and as long as you’re living under this roof you’re gonna study the Earthen Arcanum!  Your Pepah would be spinning in his self-woven gravechamber if he ever found out you left the family trade to study, what?”  Necromancy.  Ned was fascinated by the darker, much cooler magical art of the dead.  Ever since the Iron Bard came through their humble village to weave his spell of thrashing chords Ned has been transfixed by the rock-and-roll lifestyle of the kids across the river who talk to ghosts and raise bands of skeletons from beneath the earth.  What’s Ned ever raised from the earth?  A protective wall of dirt and stone?  Please, he thought, I might as well just stuff myself into my school-issue lockbox.  No.  Ned was going to become a necromancer, and he was going to do it by any means necessary.  Working his part-time job commanding lawns to mow themselves, Ned saved enough coinage to slip across the river to the next town over and buy as many secondhand tomes of necromancy as he could.  He absconded home with the right tools and the proper spell components he saw the cool kids use to summon their spectres and studied his spells in secrecy.  

Months of tiny trials and experimentation passed and soon Ned was ready for the big test.  Under cover of darkness he’d sneak into the village graveyard and raise a band of buddies to show the whole world and the kids in black what a cool necromancer he was.   So he prepped his spells and raised his hands, uttering blasphemous invocations to summon and command the dead.  Lightning cracked across a cloudless sky… and nothing happened.  Distraught, he tried again.  Nothing still.  How could this be, Ned thought.  I followed the spells to the letter and did everything by the book, how could it end in failure?  He choked back tears of despair, his posture slouched, and just then he felt the ground beneath him start to rumble.  The earth swelled and cracked, and up from the graveyard soil rose the coolest earthen golem Ned has ever seen!  Bristling with tombstones and caskets and filled to the core with awesome bones, Ned didn’t raise the dead from their graves, he raised the graveyard itself!  Oh man!  It was all he could do to keep from crying, but he wasn’t fighting tears of sorrow this time.  His parents were right, he had the heart of a geomancer all along!  But more importantly, geomancy was just as cool as any other arcanum, and Ned couldn’t be happier.  He hugged his newly-risen friend, his mind racing with excited thoughts- wait’ll the kids across the river see what I can do now!  The moral of the story is to be yourself, you’re probably a cool person no matter what your talents are, or something.

simonwang:

“we’re gonna fucking die”

(Source: mewtwos)

pokemonbattleroyale:

#56 Mankey by Steve Robbins